


five times keith didn't let anyone see him cry

by koganewest



Series: Bad Things Happen Bingo [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: 5+1 Things, Abandonment, Angst, Crying, Hurt Keith (Voltron), Keith (Voltron) Angst, Keith (Voltron) Whump, Keith (Voltron) has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Keith (Voltron)-centric, Orphan Keith (Voltron)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-01
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2019-05-31 21:43:37
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,545
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15128429
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/koganewest/pseuds/koganewest
Summary: Keith refuses to get too upset though, and just smiles at them gently before exiting the room. He cries himself to sleep that night, but at least no one is around to see it.





	five times keith didn't let anyone see him cry

1.  
It starts out on the playground.

Keith was running around the kindergarden playground at recess with his friends, Drew and Jayden, when their teacher announced that it was time to go inside. Letting out a collective groan, the class reluctantly began to follow Mr. Blake inside. But Drew looked to Keith and Jayden, with a playfully mischievous glint in his eyes. “Let’s race on the monkey bars, then catch up with the class by the time they get inside!”

And of course, no one denied the challenge. All three boys rushed to the ladder, scrambling to get to the top the fastest. Keith was there first, being the fastest of the three, but the others caught up quickly. Jayden was the strongest, so he finished first.

But as Keith grabbed the last rung, tied with Drew, he lost his grip and fell.

Both Jayden and Drew rushed to his side, asking if he was okay. It took Keith a few seconds to process what had happened, and then realize that his leg hurt a lot. He saw his teacher from across the park begin to notice the commotion, immediately reprimanding the group from not following with the others.

The shock from falling was probably what caused his eyes to well up with tears, moreso than the pain he felt, but either way, he was about to start bawling.

“Are you crying?” Drew asks incredulously, almost mockingly. “We weren’t even that high up! You barely fell!” He laughs in Keith’s face. When their class approaches, following Mr. Blake with interest, he starts to hear more laughter. Keith wills himself to stay calm, to not get too embarrassed, to not get emotional.

“Baby Keith, do you want a pacifier? You want me to get your mommy?” And Keith doesn’t know who said it, can’t identify the voice, but it makes his stomach churn. Resolutely, he stands up and tries not to show how much his leg hurts, crosses his arms over his chest and stares, as maliciously as possible, at his classmates.

“I don’t need a mom,” he states vehemently, still glaring at his class. He doesn’t need to show them how shaken up he feels, how upset, so he reminds himself to keep it together.

He can’t show weakness, he can’t show emotion, he can’t let them see him cry.

2.  
Keith hates every second of the funeral. It isn’t anything like what his father would have wanted. It’s too formal, too emotionless, but most of all, too empty. Keith knew his father hadn’t had tons of companions - they’d lived in the desert, for god’s sake - but he at least expected more people to show up at his funeral. It’s just terrible.

And the worst part: his father is gone now. His loving father, his gentle companion, his teacher, his role model. His only family.

He’s alone now.

A small group of people surrounds him at the freshly covered grave, all staring at the headstone. Keith can barely make out the words on it, because his eyes start to water, and he falls to his knees. He just can’t even believe that his father is gone, that he will never see him again. He thinks about how he never got to say goodbye as he hugs the gravestone, wishing it was his dad’s embrace.

He can’t cry though, not with all these people around. He learned his lesson a few years ago and will never make that mistake again. Back then, he had to live without a mom, but now everything has changed. He has to live without his dad, too.

He doesn’t know what’s going to happen to him. He doesn’t know how to live, how to function, how to be happy. His entire future is uncertain now. He’s about to start sobbing when he remembers his father’s words, about how he needs to be strong. He wipes at the unshed tears, finding strength in the memory, and fixes his gaze ahead, emotionless.

After all, he can’t let them see him cry.

3.  
“Mr. Kogane, this is not a discussion. You are expelled, as of right now.”

“But Dean Jacobs, it isn’t fair,” he begs, desperate not to lose the best opportunity he’s ever had, “Iverson was antagonizing me, I didn’t mean to!” However, the dean in front of him isn’t keen on second chances, or third, or fifteenth, which is about how many times Keith has messed up here. “Please don’t make me leave, I promise I’ll -”

“As I’ve stated before,” he speaks formally, but letting out frustrated breath, “I am not arguing with you. Go pack your things, and you will be escorted out tomorrow morning.”

And that’s when the reality sets in for Keith. This is it. He’s losing this too, so soon after Shiro was declared dead. He wouldn’t have lashed out if Iverson hadn’t poured salt in his wound, if he knew it would lead to his expulsion. He feels his throat close up with oncoming tears, lip trembling, voice breaking as he pleas, “I have nowhere to go, please don’t kick me out, please.”

“I’m sorry, young man, but you’ve been disobedient one too many times. See yourself out.”

He wants to scream, to yell, to sob, but instead, he just gets up, and leaves. But not before punching a hole in the wall.

4.  
When Keith is late again due to his Marmora training, he finds his entire team glaring at him. His stomach plummets at the looks on their faces, angry and resentful and despising him.

He’s disappointed them. The first real family he’s ever had. And that solidifies his decision. He can’t stay here.

When he explains this much to them, he’s met with support. Unwavering support. And even though he knows they’re just trying to help him, it hurts. No one asks him to stay.

Still, they wrap him up in a big hug, they tell him they’ll miss him, and most of them have tears in their eyes. He wants to cry too, especially when Lance asks who he’s gonna make fun of. Because, damn, that boy was the first real friend he’s ever had - complete with playful teasing and unending support. And he won’t be able to see Shiro every day, to make sure he’s safe and healthy. He won’t stay up with Pidge, talking about conspiracy theories. He won’t learn how to cook from Hunk. He won’t bond with Allura or learn from Coran. 

He refuses to get too upset though, and just smiles at them gently before exiting the room.

He cries himself to sleep that night, but at least no one is around to see it.

5.  
“You’re my…mom?” He knows his voice is wavering, he knows he sounds so vulnerable but, fuck, he can’t help it. He’s gone his entire life thinking he’d never meet her, let alone during intergalactic war. He stutters through a few more rushed questions, sounding desperate and pathetic the entire time.

But she brushes him off, insisting that the issue isn’t important now. Implying that he doesn’t matter. And he honestly should’ve known; she left him alone on Earth when he was little. What made him think that things would be any different now? She’s still the same heartless woman that abandoned him and his father.

His eyes water with the sting of rejection, but he fights it down, buries all his feelings under a cold gaze and reserved posture. She doesn’t deserve to know her effect on him. She doesn’t deserve the satisfaction of hurting him.

+1  
When they get back to Earth, Keith doesn’t quite no where to go. Everyone is going back to see their families and, since Krolia stayed back with the blade to quell resistant Galran loyalists, Keith is kind of alone again. So he returns to his shack, checks on his motorbike, and cooks himself a pathetic dinner with the leftover canned veggies from his pantry. 

The next day, Pidge calls him up and invites him to dinner, promising that the whole team will be their with their families. He feels foolish going alone, but agrees anyway. When he shows up, the house is lively and decorated, insinuating a mother celebrating the return of her family. It makes Keith feel warm inside. When he walks in, a chorus of voices greets him.

“Happy Birthday, Keith!” 

Except it’s January. 

They seem to notice the confusion on his face, so Hunk takes a step forward, placing his hand on Keith’s shoulder. “We know it isn’t your actual birthday,” he explains, nervous smile on his lips. “But you were with the Blade during your actual birthday, so we never got to celebrate with you! We had parties for everyone else, and you’re an important part of our team, so we figured since we have some down time, we could celebrate with you…?”

And for the first time in his life, Keith doesn’t fight back the tears. 

The smile on his face is blinding, even though everyone looks confused for a second. Then, they each step up and embrace him in a group hug, as he cries happy tears into their shoulders. “I love you guys.”

And being loved in return is certainly a feeling Keith could get used to.

**Author's Note:**

> heya! this is for Bad Things Happen Bingo! enjoy :)  
> come say hi on [tumblr!](https://koganewest.tumblr.com/)


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